White Rose Adventures

Book Contract Signed!!

I just thought I would let everyone know that I got the papers yesterday through FedEx for the book deal. I signed them and will be sending them back through FedEx today. There will be a press release coming out as soon as they are received back in the states and everyone has their copies. I will send ya’ll a copy of the press release when it comes out. Terry Golway is my co-writer and we are hard at work on it. I have done lots of writing over the last two weeks. Sometimes it is very hard to do. The first chapter is going to be about why I came to Iraq and my thoughts on the flight over. The next chapter or two will be a history of my life from childhood till the day I stepped on the plane and flew to Houston. That is what we are working on now. At times, that can be very emotionally draining. As with all of us, not all of our past holds the best of memories. For the first time I had to sit and write out what happened the day my now, ex-husband nearly killed me 2 1/2 years ago. Whereas, that has been most difficult, it has also been a bit healing. I have cried and I have laughed in all that I have written so far. I will keep ya’ll posted on the books progress.

What a trip! Seeing Roy

Unlike my first mission, this one was uneventful to be so eventful. No, we didn’t see any bombs or bullets this trip, but it was plagued with problems, one after another. There were some very good points to it though as you will find out later. Some questions I had of did I do the right thing on one mission with KBR were answered. And now that I have your attention. I am going to make you wait to find out what that was.

I believe that the rain has finally stooped. Two weeks ago we were rained on, but this mission it seems the weather got hotter and hotter every day. Our convoy’s are made up of DOD’s and TCN’s. Most of the TCN’s are good people and know what they are doing, so this makes the trip much easier. I wish I could say that for the TCN’s of other companies and other convoys. Just across the border, we started to pass A PWC convoy. Now you have heard me describe the TCN’s at times as being like 6 year old’s trying to get to the front of the ice cream line? Well, the PWC convoy was this way. They were cutting into our convoy and passing their own guys to get to the front. I forced one of them back into his convoy when he jumped in front of me. He gave me this shit eating grin as I passed him, but I think he lost it, when I waved him back into his line as I moved my truck over. I learned when I was here the first time, that this is just about the only way some of them will listen to you.

The next day was uneventful. I saw several old friends at Scania and was able to catch up on others. So many people that I knew from before are gone now, either back to the states, or to other companies. They are still doing mostly night missions north of Scania. But with us having dedicated escort units, we run when the military says for us to run. That means day, night, or when other convoys(KBR) are not moving. We hit Sword right at day light. Now remind you, this is the first time I have been back across the road that my last ambush happened on. The whole trip up, I had wondered how I was going to deal with it. The other ambushes, I had been back across the road in the same direction within, a few weeks. This one was months. I can’t say that there was not a lot of anxiety, but I can’t say that all was right. I was nervous. Eight months of reliving that night in my head had made this trip a very important one to me. I knew that if I couldn’t handle this trip, I would not be able to handle any other and I would have to come home, or just run around Kuwait. With us leaving camp that morning as late as we did, it was daylight by the time we got to the road. I was nervous, but I was calm. I have told many people that I am the type of person that doesn’t panic during the situation, I do it afterward.This time was no different. I was calm and alert.

All was quiet as we made our way north. Well, not really quiet, it was the beginning to what would be rush hour for Baghdad, but there were no bombs, bullets, RPG’s, or mortars. Just rocks up by Taji. I can handle that. I made it through the area in good condition and stronger in my resolve. Now I have that behind me and can go on doing what I love doing, supporting our troops.

Now, here is what I was eluding to at the beginning. We got to Anaconda. I unstrapped and unchained my load, pulled into the TDC yard and got off loaded. Then I was told that about 12 of us were going to get cans (containers). So I pulled around to where they directed and me proceeded to set the pumpkins(these hold the cans to the trailer) on my trailer. I was having a problem with one and was fighting with it when I heard this man yell “CINDY!!!!!!!” When I turned around, at first,I didn’t recognize who it was riding in the truck, hanging half out the window, yelling and waving at me. Then I recognized the voice. It is a voice that I will never forget. The last time I had heard this voice over here he was across the radio, telling me that he was hit and I was telling him he had to drive that truck to the safe zone. Yes, It was Roy Hawkins!  I had talked to him several times while we were both in the states, but had not gotten to see him. I yelled to him,”Come see me!” The driver of the truck he was in came to an abrupt halt and Roy dove out. He came running towards me with open arms. When he got to me he picked me up, twirled me around and gave me the biggest hug I have had in a very long time. I thought he was going to squeeze me in two. We both laughed and hugged several times in the few minuets that we had to talk. He showed me the scares on both side of his knee where the bullet went in and out of his leg. I have to say, those were nasty scares, but in a weird way, very beautiful. Beautiful, because if I was getting to see them, then I was getting to see the man they were attached to. I can not tell you how great it made me feel to see Roy and for him to have the reaction he did. His reaction and his telling me that he was glad that I was back and this is where I belong, tells me that he feels that I did right by him when he was shot. Everyone else, including myself, could tell me I had done good. But the one that mattered most came from Roy. You can not believe or maybe even understand the emotions that run through me even now, as I write about seeing him. I smile and cry at the same time, but I am at piece with the events of that night, now.

I did find out that Robert Rowe, my driver that was shot from the last ambush has not returned to Iraq. I have been looking and asking for him. I guess, I will have to do it the same way I found Roy in the states. Call Halliburton’s EAP people and ask them to give him my phone number and ask him to call me. If I can get in touch with him, it will take care of the unfinished business I felt I had over here and I can go on and have more adventures running the roads of Iraq in support of our guys and gals.

Ok with all that done, we started our trip back south in the very early hours of the next day. During the briefing we found out that the convoy 5 minuets behind us the day before coming through Baghdad was hit hard. It was the convoy the 2 Americans were killed on Saturday. I have to say, I know that we all took a deep breath and then thanked God that we had had no delays that morning. Then we left camp. For the most part, the ride was quite. Not even any rocks this time as we passed Taji. But this soon became the trip from hell. One of our gun trucks rolled over, and landed on its side, skidding down the road. The guy in the turret is a very lucky man that it didn’t go all the way over. One soldier did get 6 stitches in his head. We pulled into Scania and he was stitched up and we pushed out again. Down what used to be dirt Tampa, its all paved now. Then another of our gun trucks, blew the engine. We hooked a tow bar to it and kept on moving. A few miles later, we met a convoy of TCN’s caring hooch’s. Now these are wide, and they don’t need ALL of the road. But as I have told you before, the TCN’s are not always the best of drivers. One took a little more of the road than he should have. One of the DOD’s got off the pavement and that kicked up a lot of dust. The TCN behind him freaked out and slammed on his breaks. That caused the military brown truck behind him to hit him. They are going to have to use the truck for spare parts now. It will never be driven again. The two soldiers that were in it are ok. But we had to sit on the side of the road for several hours while recovery came out of cedar to tow the truck into camp.

All this left us with only two gun trucks the next morning when we wanted to push on to Kuwait. I would run Cedar to Kuwait without escorts. It is the safest part of the trip. But they wouldn’t let us run with only two gun trucks. So we sat in camp till that afternoon waiting for a gun truck to come up from NAVISTAR. That made for a very long day. After we got to Kuwait we still had to unload. It was midnight before I got home. But I had my temper pushing me that day.

My being one of two female drivers, everything I do is being watched. IAP didn’t hire females to drive for a long time. The other woman is….well……she is not very feminine looking, if ya know what I mean. Most passing her in the hall or going down the road, do not know that it is a woman. I, on other hand, can not hide that I am a female. That brings a bit more upon my shoulders. There are lots of guys that are living in the dark ages and feel that women do not belong over here. As a matter of fact, one of these Neanderthals said as much to my face and in front of 4 of our escorts. Well, ya’ll know me. I let him have it. He told me that I couldn’t do my job. That because I was a woman that I couldn’t strap and chain down loads. I looked at him and said, “Do what!” “I have strapped and chained every load I have hauled, by myself. I have also unstrapped and unchained everyone of my loads.” He tried to go on and tell me that women are not as strong as men that there will be some loads that I can not do. Now, in part, I have to agree with him, the part that women are not as strong as men. The thing is, we all unstrap and unchain our own loads. But we all help each other strap and chain them down when we get loaded. No one does just their load. I do not sit in my truck and let the guys do it for me. I have and never will let anyone do my job for me. And if or when the day comes that I am not strong enough to chain down my load, I will not sit in my truck and let a man do it for me. I will allow him to HELP me do it. Well, I need to calm down again. Just thinking about it pisses me off. Then this guy had the nerve to come ask me, right before we pushed out of Cedar, if he was going to be called into the office when we got back. I told him no, I was not like that. What happens on mission, stays there. I did tell one of my flat mates and he said something to this guy’s flat mate and I got an apology this morning from him. I don’t think he really meant it, but I got it.

Well, this has been a long email and I have a dinner date with several of the guys. We are going to Applebee’s and then maybe down to Fahaheel for a bit. We are talking about going jet skiing tomorrow again, but i am not sure if we will since we went yesterday. I hope all of ya’ll are doing well.

Just Doing Your Job

This is a Poem that I wrote for the soldier that stood between me and the bullets in the ambush last August.

Just Doing Your Job

You stand your ground
As the bullets fly
Guarding my back
With your keen eye.

You do not falter
You do not run
As the fire fight
It has begun.

I climb in my truck
As I hear you let go
With round after round
The bullets flow.

I grab a gear
Drive into the night
And leave you there
To finish the fight.

I know not your name
Or where you are from
But a thanks to you
From my heart comes.

Just doing my job
That’s what you say
No thanks is needed
But for you I pray.

May God keep you safe
And keep you from harm
Till home again
In loving Arms.

A look at the Last Year

I look back at the last year and am a bit amazed at all that I have done and seen. For a kid that grew up in Arkansas and became a truck driver, what I have done this year is beyond anything I thought I would ever do. I know to those of you that have been in the Military, all this is probably business as usual. Till September last year, the only time I have ever left the US, was to deliver freight into Canada. So, flying half way around the world to drive a truck is simply amazing. Then to think that it was in a war zone with bullets and explosives, and was voluntary, well, I some times wonder what the hell I was thinking. But ya know, I wouldn’t trade any of it. It has been a great year. I have been through quite a bit. Not just with the job, but personally.

When I stepped on that plane in Memphis and flew to Houston, I don’t think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. Oh yes, I knew it was a war zone, I knew the culture was going to be different, and I knew that I was going into something that was mostly done by men. Course, when has that ever stopped me. When I started driving a truck 14 years ago, there were not to many women driving single out there. Most of the ladies out there were running with their husbands or boyfriends. I had a fight to get the people in the industry to accept me as did any other women that were driving to make a living. But this was going to be a foreign land, a war zone, and an Arab culture. Several friends that have been in the military tried to give a heads up on what I was going into. I listened and went any way.

I remember the first time I crossed the border into Iraq. I was nervous as hell. That morning I had been late getting out to PWC where we pushed from at that time. I was told the bus left at 0400 and that was wrong. I was so scared that I was going to miss my first mission and I was just sick about it. Andy, the British guy that was the foreman at PWC for reefers at that time, just went off when I got out there. I thought he was really mad at me. I have now come to learn that the Brit’s are just that way. Every culture has it’s quirks and you have to learn what they are when you work with a multi-national group. Andy is a great guy and I am glad that I had the chance to work with him and the same goes for all other non-Americans. People are people, it doesn’t matter where they come from.

In Houston and after I had got to Kuwait, I had heard about how the children would lay across the road and try to stop the convoy. We had been told that we were not to stop for anything. I had all these thoughts running through my head about these kids. I didn’t want to run over them, but I also didn’t want to be killed on my first mission. So, as we crossed the border, I prayed that there would not be any children in the streets. My stomach was in my throat. And we got lucky and the kids were being good that day.

To think back on the fear that I had running through me on that first mission and the fear that I had on my last few missions, well, they are totally different. In the beginning, I had no idea what it was like to drive a truck in a convoy in Iraq. And now, it is so different than what it was when I first got there, it isn’t funny. In the beginning, I had no idea what it was like to have people shooting at me trying to kill me just because I was an American and trying to help our troops. Now, I have seen the muzzle flashes from the weapons as they reign their fire down on me and the guys that I am leading. I have seen, heard and felt the bullets as they pass through my truck. I have watched as a comrade that has been hit leaves with the medics. But in the beginning, my curiosity was so great, to see that for which I had never seen. In the end, I was just grateful if we didn’t get shot at that day. I have been from Kuwait to Mosul and out to Fallujah, and into a few camps that are no longer there. I have seen the City of Ur and I have seen the bombs left by the Iraqi Army sitting on the ground. I have met children that are trying to hustle you for anything that they can get. And I have seen those same children become kids again after a while and just want your attention and to play. I have seen women hit in the street because they did something that their husband didn’t like. And I have seen the eyes of the little girls and women widen to see a woman driving a truck. I once was asked if I was preaching to the women that they didn’t have to bow down to their men and doing my part to liberate their minds. My answer was that I didn’t have to. All I had to do was drive my truck. Seeing a woman driving a truck was enough to put the thought into their heads that women are good for than making babies and domestic duties. So, you don’t have to always preach your ideas, you just have to live them.

Now I am back home in the U.S. And it feels almost as weird being here as it did when I first went to Kuwait. The adjustment is not coming easy. I miss the guys I ran missions with and I miss the life. Yes, I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, I think you have to be to live voluntarily in a war zone. But, like many of us said over there, when you leave the wire, it doesn’t matter where you are from, what color you skin is, or even if you like the person in the truck behind you, we are all a family, we are all brothers and sisters. Our lives are in the hands of each and every other member of the convoy, soldier and civilian. That is a bond that will never be broken, no matter where we go the rest of our lives.

I am proud to say that I was a civilian contractor in Iraq. I am proud to say that my son is a soldier. I am proud to be an American.

The Night Roy Was Shot

We were headed to Kuwait. Just south of Baghdad, we were ambushed. Greg was in the number 3 truck. I heard him radio that he was taking fire. I asked him from what direction. I didn’t see any turn signals going back there to tell me what direction. Then I heard Larry say he was taking fire. Then several others said that they were taking fire as well. All I could see was flashes in the mirror. That is a very frustrating feeling. To know your team, your extended family is being shot at and there is nothing you can do. Then I heard Roy’s voice with pain in it. Roy said, “I’ve been hit.” I could hear the pain and fear in his voice. But I could also hear his strength. I told Tim to pick him up if he goes down. Tim asked if Roy was stopped. Roy radioed again that he was hit. I said, “I know hon., but we have to get ya’ll to a safe zone before we can stop”. At this time, we are coming into a check point. I have to fight the urge to keep from mashing on the gas. I didn’t know if the guys were out of the kill zone or not. Roy tells me again that it hurts and I again say to him, “I know Roy, but you have to drive that truck. We can’t stop till we get you in the check point. The guys behind you are counting on you. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. I know it hurts, but you can do it.” All this time, I am fighting the urge to shove the lead escort out of my way and get my guys in the safe area. Once they get checked in with the soldiers, they pull on into the check point. I pull as far down as I can. I want to make sure everyone gets on this side of the check point. The escorts yell at me and tell me to stop. I keep moving till I know I have all my guys in the safe zone. I tell the guys to stay in there trucks. I grab my helmet, jump out of the truck and make a mad dash to Roy’s truck. I am there before they get him out. I feel relief as I realize that it is not a life threatening wound, but yet I still have this great amount of concern. I talk to Roy and let him know that I am there with him. I tell him he is going to be ok and that he did a great job. Ben is already there. He has helped get Roy out of the truck. I tell him I need his help. I ask him to go to my truck and Qualcom in all the info. I told him that Robert, my driver for this trip, doesn’t know how to run a Qualcom and I need him to do it for me. He checks out Roy, give him his words of encouragement and goes to my truck. I then get one of the other guys to come and check out Roy’s truck to see if we can move it. I don’t want to leave it if I don’t have to. The guys find a steer tire going flat, it has taken a bullet. I didn’t hear the air leaking out of the tire till they say something to me about it. I get on the radio and tell my crew that I need their help. We have a tire that needs to be changed and need to finish checking out the truck. The guys were great. Every last one of them got out and came to help. The left steer tire is the one loosing air. And even though I know they were dieing to come check on Roy, they went right to getting the tire changed. The first tire they got, the rim would not work and they had to get another. They checked out the rest of the truck and got the tire changed, all while talking to Roy from the other side of the truck and Roy talked to them. I think it did them all good to be able to talk to him. Being able to talk to him they knew he was alive and going to be ok. I was and still am so very proud of my crew that night. Ben and I were radioing back and forth to make sure all the Qualcom messages were answered. They wanted to know who was shot and were there any other injuries. They wanted to know if we could get the truck in to the next camp. Ben did a fine job in relaying my messages over the Qualcom to Trans opps. The guys got the tire changed and I sat with Roy, holding his hand and letting him know that we were all there for him. It was kind of crazy, but yet it wasn’t. It all went so smooth. I had three things going at one time, but it worked like clock work. Larry, John and I had been running together for 5 weeks and the rest had been with me for 3 weeks. We all knew what the other could do and couldn’t do. We were a well running team, a family that night. There was no one person out there doing it all, it was all of us working together. So many times I had told them that we are responsible for each other. I know that not of them understood what I was saying,… till that night. We have to be able to trust all the others with our lives and they have to be able to trust us. That night was proof of the family and companionship that had come to be in my crew. As the chopper was landing, I told the guys that if they wanted to say bye to Roy that they needed to do it now. They came around the truck one or two at a time and said their goodbye’s and gave Roy a word of encouragement. Roy had gotten a dose of morphine and was feeling a bit on the silly side. When I told him that I expected to see him back as soon as he got well, he told Greg and me that he had to come back so that he and Ben could whip Greg and me in a game of spades. We all laughed. I know that Roy being able to joke with the guys also helped them. And their being there and showing him that they were there for him made it easier on him and helped keep him calm. The military got Roy on the chopper and they lifted off. The soldiers, told me that we had to get moving. There was another convoy behind us and they need to get them through the check point. I asked my driver if he minded driving Roy’s truck to Scania. There was no hesitation, he said that he would. We all mounted up and started off.

We made the cross over to the left and across the makeshift bridge. Then just as the tail of the convoy was getting back on our side of the road, the escorts stopped and told us to go lights out. We all did that in a hurry. The escorts told me that there was another ambush going on ahead of us on a north bound convoy. My heart just sank. All was quiet. I keep my windows down a bit so that I can hear anything going on in these night missions. I rolled them down a bit more now. It was totally dark. The only light was from the houses in the distance. I prayed to God. “Please, don’t let anything more happen to these guys tonight. They have been through enough. They don’t need this. Please let nothing else happen to them. I don’t know if I or they can handle it.” Then I see a grid go dark. “Oh shit”, I think to myself. That is one of the signs that we are told about. When a grid of houses go dark, that is the sign that there is a convoy in the area and that the insurgents are going to ambush. Then a grid goes dark behind us. “OH SHIT” I think to my self again. Everyone is quiet. No one talks on the radio. They know that our radios are not secure. If we talk we could be giving away our position and that we are there. After about 45 minuets, the escorts tell me that they had gotten the ok to move on. I tell the guys to keep their eyes open and we are moving. All are quiet. The rest of the trip was quiet except what as going on in my head. Several times I told myself out loud that I had to hold it together, I could fall apart till I had them in Scania and they were safe. As soon as we pulled through the check point at the north end of Scania, I started to cry. The stress and adrenaline was starting to wear off. As we pulled to the gate to check in I dried my tears. I can’t let them see me cry is what went through my head. Several time that night after we got fueled and parked, I had to fight the tears. I felt so bad for Roy. He had been in country for only a month and now he was shot. A part of me felt guilty for that. I know that it is not my fault that he was shot, but he is one of my family and I am their leader. I have thoughts of “Did I do it right?”, “Did I talk care of them like I should have?”, “Was there anything more that I could or should have done?. I talked to Moe, and he looked at the truck. All the guys were with me looking at Roy’s truck. Moe said that safety would be out in the morning to take pictures and get my statement. We all talked a bit and did our best to calm down. The guys told me that the middle and rear escorts did not return fire. Larry told me what he saw as a mortar round came in and hit the pavement. I listened to them tell their story of what happened and them sent them to bed. I had done all that I could do for them. They told me that. Not just with their words, but from the way they treated me as we stood there sharing our feelings over what had happened. They let out their anger, and their fear (though they wont and wouldn’t say that it was fear.). As I climbed back into my truck, I thanked God for watching out for us and it not being any worse than it was. Roy was alive and the guys and I were now safe at Scania. I tried to call Matt. I needed someone that I could let all my fear and pain out with. I couldn’t let the guys see me break down. I had to be strong. No tears, for fear, just calm cool and collected. That was what I had to show the crew. But now, I was back in my truck and I could let it out. Matt wasn’t answering his phone. I need to someone to talk to. I have been shot at before, but this was different. Being shot at and missed was nothing. Being shot at and hit was something else. So, I called Mike. I told him what happened. He told me that I did good and that it was time for me to get off the road. He gave me all the encouragement that he could. But Mike had been scared to run missions for while now. I knew when I called that he would start in on my getting off missions. I told him that I was not going to quit running missions. I love running missions. I love being out on convoys. But this time it was a bit scary. We talked for a bit and then I laid down to sleep. The next morning, Paula and Bull came out to take their pictures and get my statement. We dug the bullet out of the door that went through the drivers door, through Roy’s leg and had lodged in the passenger door. I wanted to make sure that Roy got that bullet. He deserves it. Everyone had to take a look at it and tell me what caliber they thought it was.

Paula said that I could stand the crew down for the day if I wanted to. The guys were still angry over the escorts not returning fire. Paula told me about the military having a combat stress team and that if I wanted, I could have them come out and talk to the guys. I did that. But after the meeting, I wish I had not. I seemed like the guys got more angry after talking to them than they were before. But, I guess it did do them some good. They were able to let out some of their anger at the escorts. So, I guess it was a good thing I had them come out, but I didn’t feel that way then. I asked the crew if they wanted to stand down that day. I told them that we could take the day off and hang out and calm down, but that it was put to them. They all agreed that they wanted to push on and take a day in Kuwait. So a few hours later, we pushed out to Cedar. When we got there all the people that know me there had to ask me if I was ok and how my crew was doing. See, there may not be a way for us to all talk to each other like we want, but when a driver is hurt, everyone knows about it and knows who’s crew he was ridding on. I also know that there were lots of folks that were not sure that I could handle it all. Being a woman and all. At least that is the feeling I got and is what some of my friends told me was going around. “She did good in holding it together even though she is a woman.” That is one comment that I heard that was said about me. Why should the fact that I am a woman make me any different in being able to handle the ambush that one of the guys? I let it go, but didn’t forget it. I just made me want to show them that I could handle it more.

When we got to the border the next day, I called Ken and told him that we were there. He had me split my crew up into 3 and sent us different directions. I was pissed. I told him that the guys needed a day off. He said that we didn’t have time and needed to get the ice moving back north. All that day and the next I argued with them about it. And why wasn’t there some one there to tell these guys that they did a great job? I told Ken that they didn’t care about my crew. That KBR didn’t care about my crew. That this was all a bunch of bullshit. Ken said that they couldn’t “baby” the guys and that we had a job to do. I wasn’t asking him to “baby” them. They just needed a break. We had been running for the last 3 ½ weeks without a break. We had been turning and burning more than most of the crews and then getting shot at and having Roy hurt, we all needed a break. I was again told we had to get back north. Then they started in on the fact that I had to go back to the Kuwaitis and give my statement about being attacked at the Safir back in the spring. They tried to tell me that I was to stressed out and that I should hand my crew over to someone else. Matt was in from his R&R and he could take them. I told Ken that I brought them down that I would take them back home. I had to be the one to take them home. They kept on me about how I needed to take care of this “other” problem. They took me to the EAP councilor and I was pulled form my convoy. Matt took them back north. At least, Matt was the one there and taking care of my guys. I know Matt is a good CC, unlike some of the other idiots we have and that my guys were in good hands. Matt called me several time during their trip back north and let me know what he was doing and I gave him my thoughts on what I thought needed to be done to make the guys feel better and safe on the trip. Every time I talked to Matt, he told me that the guys were always asking if he had talked to me and how was I doing. Non of them knew about my attack until I told them that I was being pulled from the convoy and Matt was talking them north. They were all so cool about it. They all gave me their support and wished me that best. Some of them even told me that if I saw this guy while we were out on mission, to let them know and they would take care of him for me. Matt let them know that I was doing fine and let me know that they were doing fine. We all got through it. The thing that made us all made was when Matt got back to Anaconda, they split my crew up. They all had it in their minds that they were going to Anaconda and then turning right back around and coming to pick me back up. From what Matt told me, it was very important to them that they were the ones to come get me and bring me back north. That made me feel good. My guys felt the same for me as I did for them. We area family, we all stick together and watch out for each other. We leave no one behind. They had been forced to leave me in Kuwait, they wanted to bring me home, just like I had the felling that I had to be the one to take them back home. But it didn’t work that way. I had to stay in Kuwait for 3 weeks to get that taken care of and my crew was chopped up and thrown to the four winds.

Ambushed

Ambushed
As we travel these roads, a prayer to God on our lips
“Please on this night, let us have a safe trip.”
I look at the sky and see fire coming down
From in front and the sides, it’s all around
The fireworks begin, lighting our way through the night
As a voice screams out, “This can not be right.”
The bullets rain down and now one makes its mark
“I’m hit” you scream as I try to depart
Then another fly’s into the cab of the truck
I feel the burn, I know I been struck.
The pain is not long as I thought it would be
And I realize that shrapnel is all it could be.
You start to pray loudly and ask how I am.
There is blockage ahead and I prepare to ram.
The fire continues down as you look at my arm
Then I hear a voice, another has been harmed.
“Get him and get out, keep on the roll
Follow me now, I am making a hole.”
Hit one car, hit two, hit three and then four
This is not like, when ambushed before.
Everything comes into my mind so clear
As I hear the return fire, so damn near.
Keep pressing on but don’t leave them behind
Look forward, look back, please God be kind.
Find a place that is safe and tend to our injured
I know that this night will always be remembered.
Come to the medic, several times I hear,
Tend to my men first, by that time I’ll be near.
Did they all make it through and are they alright?
This only thought as my gut squeezes tight.
All others are ok and are ready to roll
So we gather what’s left and begin our stroll.
Back to base camp, to what we call home
With hope that it’s days, before again we must roam.

Why I was Fired

I was fired because I had the date and the escort unit number on the home page. They also say that I had been warned before. The site my sister had up till a few months ago. As I have said, I feel I am being made an example of on this one. I know of sites that have lots more on then than mine. I have had the feeling that they were ginning for me since this last spring. They failed me on security at the Safir and now they fire me for a security reason. I am going to be talking to Houston when I get home. I am not sure they know what is going on. Course, I am sure that now that I have said that, someone will be trying to cover their tail on it. The thing of it all is, if they had proper support in place for the convoy drivers when they got to camp after being ambushed, lots of what happens with them would not happen. For people like me that are not former military, having bullets get that close, can make your mind a little messed up for a bit. It is getting hotter and more dangerous in Iraq and KBR does not have what they need to take care of the drivers. But I am not going to get into that to much now. This just gives you a bit of what happened. Ya’ll take care.

Ambushed again

Today I have bad news. Well, it is really good news, as to the fact that everyone is alive. On the night of the 21st, my convoy was hit again. This time though, the gun fire hit my truck. I am fine. I just have a few small pieces of metal in the back of my right arm. I don’t even feel it there. The medics say that they will work their way out. It is really nothing compared to my driver and one of the TCN’s I had in my convoy. Coming through Baghdad that night we took fire. There was small arms fire, IED’s, tracer fire, flares, and mortars. Luckily, my truck, the military truck right behind me and the TCN right behind him were the only ones hit. The whole convoy took fire, but we were the only one that had bullet holes in our trucks.

I could see the flash from the barrel of the gun on the overpass as it fired at us. And then just a second later, my driver was yelling that he was hit. Now just so you know, I drive this stretch of the road. My driver was in the passenger seat at this time. I do this for several reasons, one being the reaction time to handle things when under fire. It is not how KBR wants it done, but I don’t care. I do what I think is the best for my guys and keeping them safe. I am in no way saying that my driver can’t do the job. As a matter of fact, this driver could have done it and me felt fine with it. But I drive this part and he gets all the rest. Anyway, he took a round into his right knee. Just a few seconds after that, I saw another flash and felt something hit the back side of my right arm. I was on the radio telling the escorts and the convoy that I was taking fire from the front, the left and the right. I asked my driver where he was hit and how bad? He told me in the right knee and not to bad, but it hurt. I told him to put pressure on it, we had to get through the kill zone.

My bobtail was on the radio and telling me that one of the TCN’s that was part of our convoy was stopped and out of his truck. The TCN was hit in the left leg. I told my bobtail to pick him up and get a move on. Because the TCN that was hit stopped in the road, we got split up a bit. I was still in radio contact with them. The escorts started to pull over and I told my guys. The bobtail said that they were still taking fire, so I told the escorts and we took off again. While all this was happening, my bobtail guy was out of his truck and directing the convoy around the downed truck while still taking fire. We went down the road a bit and stopped again. I could hear from the rear of my convoy all the time. They got moving again and were catching up to where we were stopped. I grabbed the first aid kit and crawled across the dog house of the truck and tried to get a pressure bandage on him form there. I couldn’t cut his jeans leg, so I had to go back to my side of the truck and get out. I ran around to his door and started putting the bandage on his knee. The lead escort was watching my back all this time. One of there guys was standing behind me with his weapon while I took care of my driver. Then we started taking small arms fire again. My driver was yelling at me to get back in the truck as the solider returned fire. I told my driver to tie off the bandage as I ran back to the drivers seat and radioed the rest of the convoy that we were taking fire again and that I was rolling.

When we got rolling I could see the road was blocked with traffic. I was going to have to make us a hole to get the convoy through and out of the kill zone. I hit 4 cars while trying to get my convoy out of there. The military truck behind me widened the path as I made it. I tore the hell out of the right side of my truck clearing that path. I told the guys to push on through and to “Drive it like you stole it. It is not your truck it is KBR’s and they can buy a new one” My guys did great in getting the TCN’s the rest of the way through the kill zone. We took heavy fire for about 3 to 4 miles and then it was intermittent for about another 15. We pulled into the nearest camp and got medical help for our wounded. But most of this last part was led my me and without a lead escort. They were busy covering our tails. They were great!!!!! It would have been lots worse, if they had not been there. I will run with them any time and any place. I feel the same about the Military Transportation company that were along as our shooters. One of their guys was injured as well. He took some glass in the face. He is fine and after the medic’s looked after him, he continued on with the convoy.

Always before, when my convoy has taken fire, I have had to watch it in the mirror. I have been lucky till that night to not have taken fire on my truck. That night, they hit the front of the convoy instead of the middle and rear like normal. It is a very odd felling to see the muzzle flash and a seconds later hear it tear through your truck. It is also a different feeling when the person injured is sitting next to you. When Roy was hit, I could hear the pain and fear in his voice. The other night, when Robert, my driver was hit, I could see it as well. I have had several of the reefer drivers ask me if I thought this was a sign to get out of a truck and off the convoys. I have to admit, a part of me does feel this way. But there is a bigger part that tells me not to let them SOB’s win. A friend and I were talking yesterday about it and he put it to me this way. It is the mother, daughter, sister, that says it might be time to stay behind the wire, it is the American in you that says you aren’t going to let them win by running you off. He says that the American spirit that each of us have in us is why our country is what it is, and it is people like me and my crew, and our Army escorts, that make up that spirit. So, I have to tell ya’ll now, I am not staying behind that wire. As a matter of fact, I am on mission now. We came here to do a job and hopefully do some good, I can’t quit now.

I do want to give my greatest thanks to the guys and gals of the Unit 3rd/86 FA for covering our tails that night. I want to give the young man that covered my tail while I was bandaging my driver my personal thanks for standing in harms way to make sure I was covered. I have written a statement commending the unit of escorts and the Army greens that were with us that night. It has been passed along to a Sergeant Major that says that they are going to find out the guy who covered me and I guess he will get a medal of something. At least these brave solders will know that me and mine are grateful for them covering our tails.

I am going to put the pictures of my truck on the group site if any one wants to see them. There are pictures of the bullet hole and the damage I did to the truck when I hit those 4 cars clearing a path. Ya’ll take care and remember us all in your prayers.

One Year Ago Today

It was one year ago today that I kissed my 3 boys goodbye, hopped on the back of my Dad’s motorcycle and made the drive to Memphis to catch a plane to Houston. WOW, in some ways, it doesn’t seem like it has been that long, but in others, it feels like longer. I have 5 weeks till my year is up. I have mixed emotions about it all. Happy, sad, confused, scared and, ready for more. Does that sound all mixed up? I am sure that it does. I know that I have changed a bit since I went to Houston and even more since I got over here. When I left the states to do this, I had all the “right” reasons in my head for doing it. I wanted to support our troops. Several family members have served in one branch of the military or the other, and now, even though I wouldn’t be in one of the branches, I could still serve my country, in a way. I know that in some ways I had a romanticized idea of what I would be doing, but I also knew that I would be going into a war zone. I have several friends that made sure that I understood that clearly. (Thanks guys) I know that I have said that I believe in what we are doing here and why we are here. I have seen these peoples lives change over the last year, some for the better, some for the worse. That is the way of war. And yes, it is still a war. The media and our government can say that the “war” is over, but in reality, it is not. It is still going strong. But also it has been a road of discovery. When I stepped on that plane, I hoped that I could leave all my problems behind and start over. Yes, I know that it sounds like a very wild way to start your life over, but when have I don’t things like everyone else? I knew that I would find out who I am and what I am made of here. I believe that I have done some of that. We never truly totally who we are and how we will react in things till we are put in that situation. Honor, integrity, pride and humanity can all be discovered. I know that I still have the romantic heart that I came over here with. I know that I still am a very passionate person when it comes to the things I believe in. These things have not changed. Well that is wrong, they have changed. It is more, but with caution. I had a friend tell me before I came over here that “They are going to eat you up. You are to naive and trusting.” Well, my dear, you were right. And I want you to know, you are still right, but not in the manner that you think. I am still me, but more. More, you ask, how can that be? More because, I know more about me, I know more about the world we live in. I have seen mans inhumanity to man, as well as mans love and understanding of man. I have also found that, I have places in my heart that are cold and uncaring, as well as the uncontrollable places that are full of warmth and love. So my story of being over here is not just one of a female truck driver, driving in a war zone in Iraq, it is a story of me finding the world, and of me finding me. And this is just the beginning…….

It’s Been A While

I know that it has been a bit since ya’ll have heard from me. I am doing fine. As the saying we have adapted for being over here goes, I woke up breathing and didn’t get shot at today, so it is a good day. I am in Kuwait right now. I still have my line haul for now. Things have changed on it a bit thought. And of course I can’t give ya’ll the details of that, but lets just say that I am not sure I am going to like it and it is going to mean lots more work for me and my crew. But as usual, we will make it through. My year is fast coming to an end. I have only about 33 more days left and my year will be up. As many of ya’ll know, I am not coming home after that. I have my R&R Sept. 26th through Oct. 9th. I am going to do that and then come back for some more fun and games. Just so ya’ll know I am not coming back to the states for this R&R either. Some friends and I are going to the rain forest for 2 weeks and hide out and enjoy the peace and quiet. I look back at the last year and am totally amazed that I have almost made it. I wasn’t sure that I would when I left Houston. I was scared and excited all at the same time. I believe that there are times that I am still both at the same time. Its just that the things that scare me have changed as well as the things that get me excited. I have seen and done lots of things that I never thought in my wildest dreams I would do. I have met some great people as well as met some assholes. But all in all, I have to say that it has been a good year. I plan on sitting down and writing out a recap of the last year to post on the site when I get a chance. So ya’ll be prepared for a long one when I get it done. I just don’t want ya’ll to get to impatient for it, it will take me a bit to get it done. For now, I wish to say to all ya’ll back home that have followed my story over the last year, thank you for you support and prayers. Get ready for another one though. I just can’t leave all this excitement yet!