Going Home again
Some times we have to take a step back to move forward. A few weeks ago I reconnected with an ex-boyfriend, the one that got me into trucking, through facebook and made plans to ride to Dover, AR to see him and some other friends. I was not sure how things were going to go. He and I have not seen or talked to each other in about 15 years. But as ya’ll know me, I have never let a little fear stop me from doing much of anything. So, I packed my bike and rode to Arkansas for my spring break.
He hasn’t changed much, like me, he is older and wiser. The thing that has struck me as a bit odd, is the feeling I have that I have come home. I may have grown up in DeWitt, AR, and I only lived in this area for about 10 years, but coming here feels more like home than DeWitt ever has. I have forgotten more about the area than I remember, but what I remember is great!I realize that I am not that naive, 20 something, redneck gal any more. Oh, she is still partly there and it didn’t take long for the redneck part to come back out when we went up in the hills to do some riding on the ATV. As soon as I saw the first mud whole I was ready for us to pile off in it! I was just pissed that my wrists are messed up and I was stuck on the back!
Riding in the pick-up with Danny as we idled along the narrow trail brought back memories of deer hunting in this area and how I wouldn’t let any thing stand in my way of being out there on the opening day of deer season. Or how we would go out riding like that just to find a creek to go swimming in.
The yesterday I took a ride on the Harley up AR HWY 7 to Jasper. I remember my first trips across that rode back when I was learning to drive a big truck. Pea soup fog in the mornings and at night that was so thick that I would have to stand up in that old cab-over to see the road in front of me. Feeling the adrenaline rush from concurring Jasper mountain when I would finally find a place to stop for a rest was great. Oh how I would laugh, back then, at people that said that they would do everything they could to avoid that road. I think at one point I could have driven it in my sleep, and probably did a time or two.
I miss living here and the friends I had here and I have missed Danny. We have had some long talks and are getting to know each other again and it is great. I think we have both found that there have always been feelings for the other still there. And as life some times has it, there really isn’t much either of us can do about it right now. It is what is it is for now. We will get to know each other and try to make some time to see each other once in a while and let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, I will have a great friend out this and a person can never have to many really good friends.
But coming back here after so long has been good for me. I have experienced so much since I left here. I have been married and divorced twice, been to Iraq three times, written a book about it, hope to have a movie made out of that book soon, and I have grown up a lot. So many times I have been afraid that, because of the injury to my wrist, I would go back to being the person that I was before I went to Iraq. Or I have cast aside a guy I had been out on a date with because I was scared that he would drag me back into being that person again. This time here has shown me that I was not as bad a person as I thought I was. Yea, I was messed up, but there were some really good parts of me then. Maybe it would not hurt for SOME of that redneck gal to creep back into who I am now.
