From Cruelty to Goodness
I have a Philosophy class that, at times, brings up things that I have not allowed myself to think about in a long time and some of the readings touch me very deeply. I realize that the purpose of the class it to open the mind to new thoughts and ideas, and for us to apply these lessons to our own lives, but some times it is not easy for me. Being one of the older students in the class and having experienced twice the “life” as most of my other class mates, I know I bring a different perspective to the discussions. Prof Morgan has told me and the class time and again that he enjoys my being in the class for that very reason. But at times, I wonder if I should keep my mouth shut, more because of how talking about it will affect me rather than how it will the class.
The reading we have for Monday’s class is from Philip Hallie’s essay “From Cruelty to Goodness.” In the essay Hallie demonstrates several types of good and evil, cruelty and kindness. He also states that good or kindness does not always negate the evil or cruelty. As he goes on he talks about the French town of Le Chambon during WWII and how they risked their lives to saved 6,000 Jews from the Nazis. At the end of the text he tells the story of a woman that was at one of his lectures. At the end of the lecture a woman stood and asked him if the Le Chambon he was talking about was in the Department of Haute-Loire? When he told he yes, it was, she said, “Then you have been speaking about the village that saved all three of my children.”
The following is from my text book, “The Moral Life” by L. Pojman & L Vaughn.
She then asked to come up and say one sentence. There was not a sound, not even breathing, to be heard in the room. She came to the front of the room and said, ” The Holocaust was a storm, lighting, thunder, wind, rain, yes. And Le Chambon was the rainbow.”
In this class Prof Morgan requires us to pick 10 of the 35 readings to write a one page paper on. The first half should be a recap of what we read. (so he knows we read it.) And the second half is to be our thoughts and feelings about the text. We are to apply it to our own lives as well. The following is what I wrote in the second half of my paper.
I agree that in many instances, the good in the midst of the evil can make the evil far worse. Having been in two abusive marriages and been sexually assaulted while in Iraq, I know about physical and mental pain. Abuse is abuse. Mine is in no way on the scale of the Holocaust but the basic principles are the same. Just as the Jews were told they were going into a shower that was really a gas chamber, I too had my own chamber of death. In a vicious cycle of abuse and love, a person learns what is ok and what is not. To keep from experiencing the pain, mental or physical, you go out of your way to make sure you do the right things at the right time. When you find that it was not “good enough” and you have to suffer the pain again, you reprimand yourself for NOT being “good enough”. Over and over as this cycle progresses, the abuser gains more and more power over you till you do not know how to function without the pain. You begin to believe that you are the “bad” person and that they are the “good” one. Your self-worth decreases to the point that the abuse is what defines you as a person and gives meaning to your life. When this happens over and over again with, different people wielding the power, you set yourself up as a victim for the world. You become the door mat that they wipe their feet upon.
But once in a while a person is lucky enough to run across someone that is truly compassionate in heart. They help you pick yourself back up, dust you off, set you on your feet and stand beside you whispering in your ear that you are “good enough”, that you can break deaths grip on your soul, if only you will believe in yourself. That is what the town of Le Chambon did for the children. The woman that Hallie talked about at the end of the reading that only wanted to say one sentence summed this up very well. In stating that Le Chambon was the rainbow, she is saying that they gave them hope; hope that the pain would end, hope for a better life, and the reassurance that they are worthy of both. Without that, we never are able to dust off the residue left from the abuses we have suffered and will most absurdly allow ourselves to be over-powered by another. In the end, we are walking our own death walk to the chamber. Our spirit dies, our will dies, our soul dies, and all we have left to wait for, is for our body to die.
As I said in the beginning of this post, many times what we read in this class touches me very deeply. I don’t always know what to do with those feelings, because for me, showing them or talking about them leaves me open to attack. It is such a deeply touching subject it leaves me open to be hurt by those that I trust enough to talk with about it. I realize through many of the things I have read in this class that I have come a very long way from being that 2 time abused wife that I was many years ago. I have taken back my power from my abusers. But I have also realized, that in some small ways, I still give power, to hurt me, to those that I care about. Is that avoidable? I don’t think so. For to truly never give anyone the power to hurt you would mean to totally shut yourself off from everyone. My, my, wouldn’t that be a very lonely, pathetic life? So I guess I will take the risk and care enough about someone to give them a LITTLE power. Because loving someone means to trust them to not misuse the power you give them over you.
