White Rose's Adventures

My Son, PTSD & the VA

I want to thank everyone for all the kind words and prayers that have been sent our way. Last week was a very trying time for me and my family.Well, since my son came home from Iraq it has been trying at times, but last week was the worse for me, as a mom.

Kenny came home from Iraq troubled. Despite many of us telling him that he should wait, he got married 8 months after his return. He moved from the Arkansas National Guard to the regular Army and was stationed at Ft Hood, TX. Things went south from there. I wont go into it all but will say that he ended up getting out of the Army because of his PTSD and he and his wife are now split.

A few weeks ago he decided that he would get his CDL and become a truck driver like me. I was proud that he wanted to follow in my foot steps, but trucking is a hard lonely life and that is something I really didn’t want for him. But, he is an adult and I had to let him do what he thought was best for him. He did his 3 weeks of school and was out with a trainer for one week, when he had what I will call an episode. He did the right thing  and told the company. They decided that he was to much of a risk and sent him home. the only thing good out of that at the time that I could see was that he did get his CDL. I juts needed someone that would finish training him. He didn’t want to run with me because he thought that might cause problems between us. I have a friend that was willing to take him on and so things were looking up.

Then last weekend, Kenny called me, crying his eyes out. “Mom, I’m tired. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of life, I tired of everything.” he said. I couldn’t calm him down. He didn’t want the pending divorce, he was tired of the problems with the PTSD and not sleeping. He wasn’t eating but one meal a day and was having to force himself to do that. I understood, but then again I didn’t, and I damn sure didn’t know what to do for him. I have been trying to get him to go to the VA since he got out of the Army, but he just wouldn’t go. He would give me one excuse after another why he couldn’t or wouldn’t go. From what I knew of his tour in Iraq I also didn’t understand why he had PTSD. Yes, I know I have dealt with my own PTSD and do every day, but from the stories he had told me, I had seen more combat related crap that he had. I had been through more and I was coping with it. Finally he told me a story that gave me some in-site as to why he was having problems. I wont tell that story it is his to tell when he is ready.

When I got off the phone with him I called his Dad and asked him to call and talk to him. I was worried that he might hurt himself. He had told me that he wrote a very dark poem and had been thinking about suicide. I was scared!!!

A several hours later Kenny called me back. “Mom, you may not hear from me for a while after Monday. I called the VA suicide hotline and am going to the VA Monday.” he said. It was all I could do to not break down and cry right there on the phone. But he didn’t need to hear that so I stuffed those emotions down inside and tried to talk to him. I was in west Texas on my way back from California to the New Orleans area. I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the VA Monday morning. I was worried about leaving him alone. I knew he was staying with friends, but I wanted to make sure someone was watching him all the time. He said, “yeah” and I called my dispatcher. I explained what was going on and that I needed to go to Temple. They told me to go and 3 hours later I was hugging my son and fighting my tears. The hug seemed like it went on forever, but he just didn’t want to let me go and I was not going to pull away.

We got a hotel room and talked. Monday morning we waited for the lady that the hotline said would call him. When 0900 rolled around and we had not heard from anyone, he called the number the hotline gave him. She didn’t answer and he left a message. We kept waiting. Then he called the VA suicide hotline again. They told him that the psychologist had 24 hours to call him and to please be patient. I lost it! I was angry! How can they ask someone that is thinking about killing themselves to wait 24 hours t=from someone to call them back?! Yes he was with friends when he called them the day before, but that didn’t mean that he could not have gone ahead and done it if he wanted to. I told him to call the VA directly.

While on the phone to someone there, a OEF/OIF Social worker call him. She asked where we were and if he needed a ride. He told her that I was there and had my bobtail. She said that she would come get him anyway. When she arrived she asked him several questions. Since I was standing there, I got to hear the answers…..and I didn’t want to hear them. She asked if he had a plan on how to do it. He told her yes. She asked how then and he told her. That was hard for me to hear so I told them that I would go check us out of the hotel and then follow them to the VA center.

We spent all day there. He got enrolled at the VA, saw the psychologist, and went to the Texas Vets office to get his disability started. The psychologist told him that he would probably get 70 to 90% disability due to his PTSD. The concern was the classification, employable or unemployable. She put him on some medication as well. He didn’t want to take it. He is scared that he will be on it the rest of his life and doesn’t want to be that way. I can’t say that I blame him for that, but I told him that he really needed to take it for now. It would help him till they could get him into care and teach him how to cope with it all.

After all day sitting there we went back to the hotel, they wanted him to come back the next day to finish his paperwork. He called his friends to tell them that the VA was not going to put him in the hospital. His friends told him that he was welcome to com back to stay with them, but that he could not freak out nay more. He couldn’t say that for sure! I told him to come home with me and we would get him into the Biloxi VA. The next day we went back to the VA, and told them he was coming home with me. we then called his friends and get his stuff. He is now in Mississippi at my house. My other two sons and pregnant daughter-in-law are there as well looking for now looking for jobs, so he is not alone. They are keeping a good eye on him and taking him to the VA. Also my Dad lives next door and is trying to watch things from there without intruding.

Kenny went to the Biloxi VA yesterday and they agreed with what the Temple VA told him. They don’t want him working for now and are getting his disability claim set up. the only thing with that, is that it could take months for him to start getting the disability. In the mean time, he is taking his meds, and will be seeing a psychologist.

If it is OK with everyone, I would like to make a series of post on our dealings with the VA. I have heard from MANY Vets that our VA system sucks! My son, me and our family are fixing to get to know it very well and I would like to share as much of the experience with ya’ll as I can or Kenny will let me.