White Rose Adventures

The alarm goes off at 0200.

I shut it off. I do not want to get up yet and drive, even though I know I should.

Just as I am falling back to sleep the phone rings.

I dont know the number, but I answer it anyway.

“Is it to late to call?” a male voice says. “If you are in the states, yes, but if you are overseas, then no.” I say.

The voice says, “Well, I use to be overseas.”

I respond with, “Then it is not to late to call. What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

This is a call that I have received many times in the last year since I have been home from Iraq. A Soldier, or Civilian Contractor that has spent time in Iraq is having a hard time sleeping, driving, or just making it throught the day or night and needs someone to talk to that will understand. So I get the call. I don’t always know what to say, but at the very least I can listen. Sometimes that is all they need. I know at times, that is all I need. To know that I am not alone, that there is someone out there that understands what I have seen and done is enough at times to help me calm donw and go to sleep or make that next mile.

Many times have I been told by family or friends that I should shut my phone off when I go to bed. But I can’t! Not only do I still ahve several friends working in Iraq, but I have people here that just need a friendly ear. I have the belief that if they are going to put their lives on the line for our country and go to Iraq, either as soldier or civilian, the very least I can do is answer a phone in the middle of the night when they need someone to talk to.

Yes, it makes for some broken sleep and long days the next day sometimes, but how could I not answer? If not for a few friends that were willing to answer their phones in the middle of the night, several years ago when I had night mares of my ex-hubby trying to kill me, I am not sure that I would be as sane as I am today. I am not sure that I would still be here. So how can I not do that for those that have given so much? Simple, I can’t.

So I answer the phone.

“There is a bad thunderstorm here and I am not doing good.”

“I am driving through a part of town that reminds me of Iraq. I can’t help but watch the rooftops for snipers, even thought I know they are not there because I am in the states now.”

“There was something in the road that looked like and IED and I nearly ran off the rode trying to miss it.”

“It is raining and I can’t get myself to go faster than 60mph. I keep expecting the truck/humvee to get squirley like it would in Iraq on wet roads.”

“The flashing lights from the radio towers bother me. They look like tracer fire off in the distance.”

“I had a bad dream. I woke as my truck/humvee was being hit with an IED or small arms fire.”

“A car just back fired and I freaked! I thought I was being shot at again.”

These are just a few of the things that I am told at the begining of the call. Some of them I have had myself. What do you say to someone that tells you this at 2 am? I tell them I understand exactly how they feel. There is usually a silence then as they try to figure out what to say next. I try to distract them. I try to take their mind off what is causing these feelings. They will talk about what has happened when they are ready to. Maybe in this call, maybe in the next. All I know to do is to just talk about something, anything, to calm them down.

When they do bring up what happened, it is a mix of today and yesterday. Why is this happening? Why is this happening again, I have not had a flash in a few months?! I don’t know the answer to that one. I just know what I have been told. That it never goes away, you just learn to deal with it. Sucky answer, isn’t it! But what else can I tell them, or myself when this happens?

I remind them that they are not alone. After a few minuets, or even an hour or so, we hang up with my telling them to call any time, day or night. I may not know what to say, but I can listen.